I seriously think this september month to October month is not a very good month wor...alot of things happen....happen on mi and on frens surrounding me.....sometimes i wonder, did i bring suay-ness to them? haha...guess not bahz...hehe
Firstly, was DDJ, den mi, den alex, den back to DDJ and EDJ....arghz...juz read EDJ blog...i read le oso feel like crying...last night he told mi wat happened...i can feel he wanted to cry out le...arghz....make mi sooooo sad.....poor EDJ....dun understand why woman like this.....the man sooo good, they dun wan....nowadays woman different le mahz....but i can swear to god EDJ is a dam good man...yes, he is tiko...and alittle no good the mouth when toking but other than that...he is realli nice....he realli loves his cute little daughter.....and i seriously feels he realli treasure and cares for his wife....if not, he wouldnt be in such a pain now..
back to woman nowadays....guess they are too independant le bahz....guess the fortune turn around le bahz.....last time is man dun treasure good wife, dump good wife....but now..is woman's turn! muahahaha...knn, ancestor pass down the suay-ness sia....pass down the retribution...seriously, EDJ, no worries, i will support u de...no place to stay, come and stay wif mi!!!! I seriously don't understand. Woman realli like man to be bad de mahz? alot of case i see my frens on their bf bo chup them, den they kpkb.....or the man dam bad temper etc....but they still hold on...for bery long....hoping their bf will change....then again, when the woman meets a man too good....they get bored...so i guess they need excitement in life? LAME SHIT! F.O.S!!! ahahaha..but of course, im not referring to all women lahz...there are definitely bery good ones out there de...like my sis....keke...my sis 100% good woman. I vow to this statement. yeah!
yupz...back to alex....wat happened on him happened on mi...and my heart pains for the 2nd time...when i drove him back last nite...he told mi he spend seriously alot...he juz wanna numb himself...wth...he owes alot of money le lehz...im so worried about him....i can see he realli treasure this relationship....i can see he wanna settle down le....but den again, like mi, we were stab in the heart..not onli stab, but pull to the left and den to the right...muahahaha....haiz.....i hope he can stand up quickly again....i wanna see the happie alex...him, mi and EDJ dun deserve all these....these woman dunnoe until the day the same thing happens on them....den they will undeerstand the pain...no worries guys, wat human are doing below, god above will see....they will understand one dae....
Aniwae, we are all so handsome...worried no woman meh? ahahahaha....no lah...i cannot lahz...hahahaha....wow...today's blog bery bery long wor...hoho....but still got more to continue with leh..how how? ahahaha...back to DDJ, he make mi heart pain for the 3rd time last nite....haiz....i see him sooo many worries...so many burdens...i wish i could help him...i wish i could share wif him...but i know i got no ability to help....share should be okie bahz...but im not so experience in life to advise as well.....but no worries DDJ...at least you got a bery bery good wife...my god sis.....i know she can take care of you...sometimes, u need to open up to her...maybe she can help...no matter wat, family will alwaes be there for you even till the last minute...you understand? dun keep everything inside...will die fast de...heart will explode...the heart the harddisk space not sooo much one you know? dun store so much k? mi and EDJ will also be there de...realli.....
alrite...lastly, its Sandy...poor thing...so many things come down on her one shot...she is the fourth and the last heart pain of mine....haiz....wat a toopid bastard cowardly hubby she got...knn.....i feel like slapping him 100 times...i think like that oso not enough de.....well...i oso wish i could help her...but im tied down with my own money issues....i realli regret not saving enough when young..but im a guy u know....alwaes spend money de....ahahaha...but i believe, soon, i will earn more than i can spend...soon...realli....the onli thing i could help her now is to be by her through this crisis...same with DDJ and EDJ...jiayou jiayou Sandy!!!!! i teared thinking back on all four of their things...last nite...HAIZ.....
wah, must learn the art of splitting soon....split my body...ahahaha...well...u all know mi well, i dun put myself infront first...i put the people i care infront of mi first de...i can be eating grass for all i care if requires mi to spend till the last drop....but if u betray mi...i make sure u pay back twice....yes...this is wat i am now...oops...sound bad...ahahaha...tough lah...i cant bring myself to be like this...okie okie...gotta go back to work...am now in DDJ office...eat snake...LOL...okie...tata...its a busy day again!!!!
snoozed at 12:20 PM .
Arghz! juz rushed back to office from customer place...freaking ulu loh the place....at kim chuan drive...somewhere near hougang ave 3....first time to this customer...the customer asked mi "you are new in fernridge?"....muahahaha...i told her "no lahz, two years plus le"....wow...tink of it...time realli flies....dam fast...bo bo 2 years liao....but nothing achieved....age is catching up...i gotta to achieve someting quickly...
aniwae, i didnt know the way out from the industrial place...walked all the way outside...den freaking hot...plus my toopid nose giving mi problem again...yes...toopid nose...toopid sinus again....now, my nose is like a broken tape...non-stop dripping...lol...tink can top up a cup and return water to the government...lol....crazy...lame shit...full of shit...lol
juz came back to blog abit...rest abit...den down to orchard again....yes! again! faber house near metro...yawnz...oh...didnt have lunch again..tink im getting slimmer leh...dunnoe leh...dunnoe is my tummy getting smaller or my pants getting bigger? i wonder...hope is tummy smaller lahz...lol....oh oh....tomolo hope can go for soccer session at nite...see how my project goes tonite...can complete everything...den i will take tis chance to go for relaxation sports with my favourite bro, mr julie peh khong guan...LOL....okie okie...dun disturb him le...he is a nice guy...a nice bro...
Well, seriously, toking about achievement...im seriously looking forward to being SDJ...looking forward to registering the company for them...hope im not taken for granted...hope im not treated like a fool...hope im not bluffed....hope when they and if they see this, they dun blame mi for tinking wat im tinking...but seriously, i still trust DDJ and EDJ...the feeling...i dunnoe how to describe...i realli treat them like bro...i felt close to them....okie! im not gay okie!!!! ahahaha...but brotherly love lahz...i know they oso take good care of mi...im a sensitive guy....fucking sensitive guy like my mum...im a woman in a man body ar...nothing can escape my feelings.....MUAHAHAHAHA...
I remember chatting wif Sandy on impressions of her frens...i think i guessed everything correctly abt her frens and her especially...i dunnoe if i will appear scary anot...but i seriously enjoy doing this...toking to people....looking at they actions, their speech...decipher who they are....and it is this (partly) that i found close frens like alex, nerissa, ah bia, travan, Jeremy, nicholas etc etc...the part again is, i trust my feelings...hehehe...
Alright ladies and gentleman...till then...stay tuned for latest updates ya? hahahaha
Signing off with love and full of shit - Ah Jiaoz Aka SDJ!
snoozed at 1:36 PM .
Lol....yupz...monday even more bluey.....den sundae...arghz....aniwae, i dunnoe y im typing wat i have typed on sundae.....tink too bluey le bahz...got emotional and unclear mind....and overstressed by my toopid econs project....arghz.....hope i can clear it by tomorrow...yeah...! later go to Central de starbuck and work hard on my project....i tink i realli prefer doing project outside den doing at home.....hehe
okie...im at peninsula plaza....boring.....going to be real busy for the next 3 hours....but i can get to off work at 5pm! yippee!!! hehe....
aniwae, seriously, i dunnoe y i need to take back the ring from her....but ever since the album was returned to mi....my heart died...take it as im chasing u back...hence u can dun need to return it...and since u return it...it onli means my wooing failed lohz...muahahaha....joking lah....aniwae, i dun wanna to let u tink so much as well...single life u r enjoying...i know.....and since it is so, dun let the ring give u bad memories...or watsoever...dun let it affect ur mood...dun let others see the ring on ur finger and dare not approach u....it was all over.....i dun mean aniting else....
okie lah...i said before...i wanna stop blogging tis kinda stuff le rite!?! arghz....okie okie...from today onwards...more happie stuffs! Seems like EDJ doing delivery again wor....he looked dam funnie the other day he came to my office to collect documents...see him le alwaes feel like luffing....he brings laughter to pple...muahahaha...sound like clown huh....ahahahaha...
For Jeremy programming, i am not going to collect the program fee from him animore...let him save more money and tide over this difficult period....im waiting to go see the auntie on fortune telling wor...so excited...
alrite! back to work! sibeh sian ah!!!!! and juz got a toopid user came and ask mi toopid questions....like wat DDJ alwaes saes, "Stupidity is the most scariest virus of all. Uncurable"...LOL
snoozed at 1:42 PM .
Sianz...it is now 3pm...i am still looking for motivation...motivation motivation.....to do my 2nd individual project lahz...sianz...gotta complete by at least tues or wed...im behind time le.....haiz....den have to settle the website if not EDJ going to squash mi soon...ahahahaha
den rush abit on programming for DDJ.....den lehz, can start studying le....for exams...stressful sia....and she is no longer ard to accompany mi to study overnite...yupz...its a memory lohz....seriously, i take back the ring becoz i dun need u to have tis memory...i gave u tis memory becoz u deserved it last time...becoz when ur heart is wif mi...becoz u love mi....and i love u...
becoz i love u still, u dun have to hold on to tis memory....i will have to take it back....if u treasure it, u will not have to lose even tis memory...again i sae...no such ting as chen jin yong you....tis means u dun even treasure tis relationship and dun even wan to work hard for it...hold on to it....since not holding onto it....den i will have to take it back.....
okie lahz....mi going to send my fei fei sis to her fren's place le...hahaha...bye.....im happie my sis alwaes going out and enjoying herself...she deserve it....hehe...love u sis....lets go......!!!
snoozed at 3:13 PM .
李圣杰--不顾一切的爱
=================
当你边飞边流下泪滴
我不认为谁变了心
你不过是累了去旅行
而我是家永远会等你
听说你的爱碰上雨季
又湿了又冷生了一场病
心疼的我想给你暖意
倔强的你不让我走近
月光在你眼里
你说你没资格让我呵护疼惜
就算我真能??弃一切
你又怎么去战胜自己
不顾一切的爱才算是爱
从来没有感慨一路走来
不记得悲哀只记得愉快
总想为你实现你的期待
不顾一切的爱无可取代
所受的伤害 都像是告白
我不走开 等你随时再回来
snoozed at 4:24 PM .
At last...thursday at last! Tomolo off dae! yipee! hehe...but den, off dae is use for project! wtf....haiz...and i did some toopid tings as well...read the assignment wrongly...tot its tampines mall and went there to walk walk and do research...in the end, come home and read, it is in fact tampines 1 mall! its TAMPINES ONE! arghzz...wtf...nvm...maybe tonite or tomolo go bahz..
juz completed downloading transformer 2 - Revenge of the fallen. Hoho..next one will be the mentalist. Haben started downloading it yet...
Yawnz...tink im deleting away the stored messages from her to me last time...last time i got type all out in microsoft words....yupz...delete it away is good lahz....dun have to tink so much...but still, i will send her a copy and i tink she will delete it away as well de...keke....good good...
aniwae, i look forward to end of tis year...clear SC, clear GE......so many tings going to turn good for mi for 2010...den start saving money...if not, another gal will sae i no money...got financial difficulty....hoho....aniwae, dunnoe will have another gal anot...im hurt too much and is realli afraid of another...seriously, i got phobia le.....
nvm...dun tink so much...gotta enjoy my long weekend! yeah! happie deepavali! wooohooooooo~! seriously, tis week im pretty happie...hehe
snoozed at 3:52 PM .
Contradicting...Disappointed...Numb....Angry....do you call this mixed feelings? LOL...machiam rojak...aniwae, im feeling all the above now...im not sad though...animore...not worth it....Im going to take back everything....including my love....
Anyway, its the end of the day liao.....that was yesterdae thoughts that rushed through my mind...its time i shld stand up...yes....stand up.....and this will be the last time im blogging about sad things...about my r/s...i feel pretty dumb doing this....ha.....its should be something else....i look forward to a bright week and many more happie days to come and more money! yeah!....oh...one more thing....NO MORE MR NICE GUY!!!! nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai....!!!
snoozed at 5:18 PM .
Alright...gd morning peeps...hehe...yupz...todae feel good...dunch noe y.....aniwae, i slpt at 230am last nite. trying to do that thing....but chee beh! didnt work the way i wanted it to...nvm...trying it again later....
Aniwae, juz read something i feel not quite right abt it....not right abt the way u tink when it is not....if i would realli wanna monitor u, i would have stayed every night. When you go and party, i would go with you or wait to send you home....i can do that...but i did not coz i trust u.....have u ever wonder y i would sometimes be possessive? its juz becoz im an overly sensitive person....i can sense it...i sense something is not very right.....if u still remember there is one night i said to u in hush "why u recently lose ur temper on me soooo easily".....tats the day when i started to....i know something is not right....
btw, the thing i told u on saturday was not meant for u...tis i have to declare and swear upon god...its my way of seeing and testing others ard mi....not including u...becoz there is nothing on u for mi to test....
whether u r wif Mr R or not, i dun care...i onli care if he treats u well if u r wif him....im alwaes worried for u....before, now and alwaes....drinking buddies? i like the idea....aniwae, you have think too much...but thanks for thinking too much, it onli means u care....maybe, i truely hope so....
hmmm...toking abt a getaway....i realli regret one thing when i was wif her...i alwaes fail to keep up my promise to go visit her ah ma in m'sia.....i shld have done so...i must....but i alwaes push it further away.....she mish her ah ma...i wish to see her too dearly...aniwae, hope nothing is too late for now...if have the chance, ur getaway includes this...
okie...back to doing my tings...its a fuck up week for me....dam fuck up...drink, slpt late, ate less...wat else...let me see....work dun go smoothly...wat else...erm....i seriously feel like a zombie everyday....aimlesslyj jumping ard and hitting the walls...arghz..pain...LOL....aniwae, i will alwaes come back strong....and will be much stronger...thanks bloggie for listening to mi.....
missing u.....
snoozed at 11:17 AM .
haiz...todae is a fuck up day....arghz....so rush...rush down to penjuru...worked till 1pm plus...didnt had lunch...den rush straight down to enplas at macpherson....luckily got bro's car...if not, wait for cab will die....haiz...tink of it, i didnt even had dinner last nite...wow....
yupz....last nite rushed down to funan to buy something for her....den rush down to bro's office to do project...haiz...den guess wat? drinking again lohz...LOL....aniwae, i tink, maybe my soon to come effort will be wash down the drain...maybe? maybe not...juz saw her facebook.....she wrote something that i feel it is not for me....yupz....everybody deserves a second chance...i have given her...she has not given mi one yet....yet now she is asking from someone else.."I do need you and where are you"...doesnt it sound familier? I guess I have used it before...but its pointless when the person has no room for you....
humans are funnie creature...hard to understand...when there is a chance waiting to be given, the person rather not take it....when there isnt ani, they would ask for it....but still they will not be given....funnie....todae is a pek chek dae for mi...definitely...tink of it...it has been two weeks le bahz....well.....aniwae, will continue to work on the thing that is meant for her....its make or break....after tat.....its all down to her le....back to slogging at work...knn...arghz....i feel like shouting...i feel like telling someone...but i cannot find anione....yupz...i miss u again...
snoozed at 2:26 PM .
Oh, I WANNA TO GO TO THE BEACH! BEACHY BEACHY BEACHY! hehe....soon...nearby say tioman? phuket? as long as its the beach, can drink beer and smoke....its heaven for me...lol..soon soon..after my exams i guess...hehe..sudddeeeeennnnnn craving sia.....hehe
snoozed at 5:16 PM .
hmmmm.....who say it will neber be the same again? who? who? tell mi? I wack his backside...LOL....it will be the same and will change into something even better for her...i mean...she will feel even happier....thats what I believe...there is nothing to be afraid of when you have not even try to embrace it yet....something like what my earlier blog says in chinese.
"Be urself"....its the current motivation tag i have for her if we were ever unite again...haha...yupz...thats the big major change she should be able to accept, me as well....be urself....nice....oh....pls dun bring up the laptop tingy again....ever since I have collected half the monthly installation amt from her from the beginning, I felt very heart pain....i shouldnt have taken at all...blame it on me being useless.....anyway, no point returning me laptop money...keep it...save it....
And one last time im going to put this straight, i dislike the sentence "if you find a better gal, just go ahead". Its like wtf?! I dunnoe how to explain....if you tink i deserve better, means im good, means you should treasure more and try to get it back...not push it away.....aniwae, i dislike this sentence....yucks...oh...feel like shitting again...recently shit alot...coz im a full of shit person! LOL
snoozed at 4:45 PM .
因为害怕失去，而拒绝拥有。。。可是如果连拥有都没尝试过， 又如何知道会不会再失去。。。
snoozed at 2:07 PM .
yupz yupz...juz finished up one Group Base Project...Submitted...Contented...Relieved...Another one more to go and its down to Individual projects X 2...arghz...this will take up another 1 week of my time...and then down to memorising memorising memorising...practising practising practising for exam....after that....rushing to complete the program for jeremy...felt so bad...didnt have enough time to finish it quickly. anyway, i will bring fortune to my brothers...trust mi...
yupz...after finishing my project, i thought of what she had said...yupz...i am not suitable for her...i have always think abt wat u told mi...alwaes.....aniwae, i will change...change for the better like u sae...yupz..see...even though im missing you...i can dun msg u the whole dae now....wherever u wanna go...juz go....i know once you are tired, u will stop....think of it...im actually of this type of bo chup character de ar...but pple alwaes sae, if towards the person u bo chup...juz leave it as it is...dun feel jealous nor angry, den u dun teng the person, u dun love the person at all...true somehow...but not true as well...its a matter abt how to pull and let go of the string..and nowadays, all woman are the same...i mean...not all...but then, they emphasize on freedom and dun care too much.....so its back down to nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai.....?
well, after tis incident, i have felt the change......its coming from somewhere..yes....i can feel it....
and i have an intention to get Jeremy and Nic to employ one person for their future IT department...ermz...i mean its a person we all know....i will train her...im willing to....but before that...need to find clients first...yes...clients.....yum yum....
snoozed at 12:42 AM .
I suddenly thought of something urgent while bathing and shampooing my hair.....forgot to take out the ring....arghz......this ring is very important to me.....this ring was bought together with hers...its a couple ring...this was the 2nd pair of ring we had...this one expensive ar...$100 plus....ahahaha...but worth it...its known as wolfrum ring.....cannot be scratched....cannot be damaged....i bought this not because of anything but because I always believe our love will be like the ring...tis kinda tough...aniwae, i alwaes take it out when bathing..coz i scared the ring will drop out becoz of the soap...den after that drop into the toilet bowl...den jialat le lah...rite? so for safety sake, muz alwaes take out before bathing...LOL...tink too much...duhz...
yupz....Last Saturday was my best friend, Ivy's ROM party...she is so pretty that night...so xing fu...i feel so happie for her...den i shared a cab with her fren, Carmen....we were like chatting on the cab.....den dunnoe how link to my gf....I told her "break off le, haiz.."....den she replied "den y are u still wearing that ring? pple might mistaken u r married....girls once see ur ring will not approach u le...."......I replied "nahz...i dun wan other gals le...tis is my memory".
yupz...the onli memory i want in mind...the onli gal i wan in my heart....i am areadi married to you...yes...you and onli you...no one else.....
but i know....i know where i stand when she had mentioned "Do you think I will settle down with someone like that?". Who is that someone? Me? What does she mean by "that someone"? wow! interesting....perfect? perfect partner? There is no such thing as perfect in this world isnt it? You get some, you lose some...I look handsome...but i am a problem kid...sinus lah...migraine lah...see? no perfect....LOL.....juz joking...but the sentences are harsh...but thats you...you are direct and I love you for who you are.....nitez.....
snoozed at 8:40 PM .
hmmmm...somehow knew there would be a respond....nvm....maybe she mistook my meaning...I said i neber thought she was one - which means, until now....i oso dun feel she is fickle or immature.....others said that but never mi....if you were, you wouldnt look to change urself for the better....
yes, we were toking abt changes earlier on...yupz...we chatted...it alwaes feel nice to me sending her to work....think of it, to gain his trust is to get him to send her home when she feels like going home...aniwae, we had a great chat...i feel....at least....
now im at jeremy office working on this blog...ya...juz now i tao bio her from behind lahz...ahahaha...like tiko pek hor...saw her updating her blog...so i decided to check it....aniwae, watever her decision is...i respect....becoz im still loving her....returning home...try to finish project quickly and prepare some sweet surprise for her....i hope it will be sweet...hey...im alwaes sweet de wat...LOL....*puke*
snoozed at 6:40 PM .
LOL...funnie title huh...but that is wat I like her calling mi "Toopid Boi" and after that singing the song "BB fat fat, BB fat fat..."...haha...tink of it...its funnie....
chatted with Ailing of again last nite...she is realli a great lady.....can be a bery good fren de...she tells u everything and listen to everything...haha...maybe thats her job.? well....we shared abit of relationship thingy...she had some problem as well...I told her my intention of doing something...she sae juz go ahead and do wat her heart tells u to....yes! thats me....Yupz...back to the toopid ting again....i dunnoe y....maybe under the influence of alchohol...i decided to sms him before slping.....ha.....yes...him....i said:
"Dear Mr XXX, im jason here. XXX ex bf. tis sms is not to find u trouble. juz a simple request frm mi. pls pls pls take gd care of clar. i know u can de. she is a nice gal. it has been my mistake all these while tat changed her. she has likings for u as well. so jiayou k? all the best. treat her well. u can dun reply tis sms. juz for ur info. gd nite. swt dreams and take care."
Actually, tis sms is onli meant for him...i didnt want her to know....arghz...toopid mi again...she called....i dunoe how he told her...i dun even know if he got read my sms properly anot...den go tell her i sms him...wth.....den she called immediately...i was areadi aslp and awoken by the ring ring tone...yeah...ring ring tone...act cute huh...lol....aniwae...im shocked to see her call mi at tis hour in the first place...tot got something happened on her....was worried...in the end, its abt the sms...she asked mi wat was the content...were u afraid tat i was threatening him or something? I dunnoe....i told her it was realli nothing...but in the end, i gave way again to her...i send her the sms i send him....wtf rite? defeats my purpose le...haiz...
think of it...maybe she realli cares abt him..immediately called me even though she knows i might be slping soon...i dunnoe....but at least i cleared her doubts...im a gentleman...i wouldnt do anything to him physically or even verbally....
aniwae, ailing mentioned that my the other half do not deserve me...i deserve better ones...i told her...."I hate this word...why all the gals like to say this kinda things to me?"...she goes on and say "she is still fickle...still likes to play..."...i said "i dunnoe...i neber thought she is...becoz we have tok abt marriage and even to the extent of buying house le. that is y i cant let go..."...yes...do u know, that nite when jeremy and nicholas gave their advise abt marriage and buying house plan...i felt so so close to you...i felt so so sweet...after finish toking, you came and hug mi from behind while i was sitting on hush hush chair.....i felt like almost doing it immediately...yet i cant...i felt lousy...i do....i got no money....im lousy i admit...regretted not saving enuff....haiz...
reading her blog makes mi sad as well....again i didnt had lunch for today.....she was right..i know her best....so why leave mi den? but aniwae, becoz i know her best...i wish her all the best... i wish she can alwaes confide in me...irregardless of watever things......but im happie seeing one word...that one word in her blog calling me "hubby"...yupz...yes yes...im an idiot...okie...im toopid...but anything sweet coming out from her mouth, i will feel contented...yes...i alwaes tell her, im an easily contented guy...ha...dumb...i feel dumb...lol....seriously, i miss her alot...even till now...i miss her smile...i miss her lame actions and jokes...i miss everything of her...recently, i kept drinking...not becoz i wanna be drunk...but becoz i wanna divert away.....but apparently, when i rest from drinking and smoke outside...or stone for awhile, her images came straight back...almost immediately...den i have to hold back my tears...wth....y cant i be more man?! grrrrr....arghz...dun sae le.....im at customer place now.....dun wanna let them see my face change.....okie...back to work..drilling drilling drilling!
snoozed at 2:10 PM .
didnt realli slp alot last nite...but still manage to AUTO wakie this morning...with eyes big big sia...ahahaha...dunnoe y...funnie..
Liverpool lost....haiz...disappointed...eugene asked, "should we sack ben?" lol....i think we shld manz....drank at autosport...was pretty disappointed when i reached autosport...i was like walking very fast....maybe i tink too much...was hoping i could see her there...i was hoping she will like go there and watch liverpool match since i areadi confirm and told her i will be there...i expected too much.....y shld i expect from her in the first place...y shld i even hope in the first place (to be exact)......she has areadi left mi....yet i craved to see her......aniwae, luckily she wasnt there...Liverpool lost...waste of time...arghz..
her photo still remains as my hp screen saver...seriously, she didnt know abt that i guess...actually, last time, she has been seeing liverpool logo as screen saver...in fact, at the real screen, our photo is in there.....every single nite, i will read her smses......i will see back all our photos...every nite...even till last nite...i guess i will be doing that every nite..maybe....toopid? yes......
last nite was a lonely drive back home....i cant help turning my head to the left to see if she was there...i imagined she was there...smiling..joking....putting her right hand on my lap.....nice.....i miss that...was that juz a daily procedure to me? nahz...it is not a daily procedure..its a process during our love that cannot be forgotten......aniwae, i almost slpt while driving...LOL....knn...
i was toking to ailing of autosport last nite...she told mi abt her r/s...so nice....she said she wouldnt leave him nor betrayed him coz she treasured the r/s, she treasured the care, the "teng" from her bf....but still, woman are woman...she clarified that she would still leave him if he carries on his bad ways....yah...realli bad ways.....long story......but den again...nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai......its a confirm theory which i neber wanna heed.....i tried to overturn tis theory...but its too in mi...i cant change...i will never change....
alrite...didnt have my lunch again todae...no appetite...almost no strength for ani other tings...but yet...i put up a strong front for customer, colleagues, family.......i dun wanna them to worry...its my problem...not theirs..i still have to work...i still have to....im going to max myself.....study work study work...i tink i can....aniwae, tink of it...didnt realli had ani proper meals or slp lately....i guess that helps numb the pain within.....
i chatted abit with susan tis morning over msn.....i told her most probably my chance is over...she asked "den wat r u going to do now?"...i replied "I will wait...".....I tell myself, at least we are frens now.....even if we r not together, i still wish to remain as fren...so that i can see you from the side...i can anitime be by ur side when u need someone to be....i dun mind.....yes yes...im dumb...im toopid....but i had no choice...i told susan "i areadi regard her as my future wife. I can onli wait." oh...im planning something for her....some nice surprises coming...when have never done that before in our r/s....she did as well...i love the perfume surprise...i indeed have....yupz...tats it...going back to work now....yawnz....
snoozed at 12:55 PM .
Yupz...another Sunday...very long never blog le...tonight is Chelsea vs Liverpool...exciting match..hope I can be in time to watch it...i want to watch it....will be going to breko alone myself this time...yupz...breko reminds me of her again...
we went there to watch a couple of liverpool matches there. It was very exciting. With the atmosphere there...with the fat gerrardthere...LOL.....think of it..im not going there le....makes me think even more if im there....tink i will make my way to Autosport.
Just thought of her, then suddenly hear "Sorry Sorry" on radio...great....I sms her abt it...received a response.....nice......but then, she asked mi where i am heading to....wow...even nicer....then she proceeded with asking abt y not breko when i mentioned abt going to annie's 2nd pub.....well....guess wat? She ask for my favour not to go there coz he will be there....not becoz of aniting...but scared I will beat him up....ha....will I? nahz...nvm....a sudden thought struck mi....basically, the whole msg was to check, verify and hope I will not go there....she cares abt him...
I know about that...i know...from yesterday conversation....the dagger is already fully into my heart....seriously, it hurts even more now then that nite incident...she has great likings for him....i can sense it...im sensitive didnt i tell anione abt it? ha....I asked "You like him mahz?" "She said yes"....den she proceeded telling me about why they quarrelled and how she promised him that she will not repeat the same mistake....thats the love displayed (I had it before, i appreciate)...willingness to accomodate is a display of love....isnt it? Im not toopid wor...even though im called toopid boi most of the time...hahaha..lame shit...aniwae, i cant believe myself guiding her, explaining to her about how to tok to him....in fact, i feel im teaching her to be with him.....wow....courageous...i cant believe im doing this....i felt so gentleman...yet the pain no one can know....but to mi...as long as she is happie...when have i never done aniting as long as she happie?
I was over possessive...overly protective....i love you......that is y i protect......i protect becoz deep down inside, you are my wife areadi.....and till today, i feel it is never a break up...but a divorce...its different....possessive? your limit is too low...there are even worse outside....y is ur limit so low? have u ever thought of it? its becoz you are still energetic....still love to play....i cant keep up wif u...limit is too low....didnt wanna adjust...you would have adjust if you have realli loved mi...if you want to be my wife.....imagine we are married and living together? Will you still be doing wat u r doing? yes you willl....becoz no one can control ur life except yourself...ahahaha...from your blog...lol....
oh...i will kill morimoto san soon...coz he said before last time oso buy laptop den the woman left you...now u buy laptop, den.............................. den wth! It happened! lol....aniwae, she needs it lahz...i wouldnt take back...never...she will need it for her studies...when her studies comes...i will oso pay for her.....she needs it....realli...
seriously, i think i cannot have another woman in my life le...i cant trust another woman...i cant treat another woman as my wife......i cant imagine...maybe its for now onli...maybe its forever...i dunnoe....we shall see....but i guess, i have decided to wait...I remember sis (jeremy wife) telling me about her conversation wif her on that night jeremy was caught....about our marriage...she thinks highly about us....but sori to disappoint you sis.....
well, i have been bery hardworking this earli morning...first thing wakie is to remove all my tags inside her fb....i remember telling her to remove all our photos...dun let him see...he will not like it...not every guy is like mi....see...im doing it again...pushing her away....
wait wait...typing this blog areadi took mi 15mins boy! shit...still a long way to go....seriously, i do not know how to describe my feelings now...neither speech nor words can describe it...wah chim....ahahaha....i have been trying hard not to show my family about this hurt....i have been trying hard not to show all my bros and buddies about this hurt...i shall and will keep it to myself......i can never recover....you know...its like whipping your backside at the same spot with a rotan repeatedly...the event keeps following up....ha......ahahahaha...but i have told myself, i will alwaes standby for her...as long as she needs mi...i will go to her side.....she dun have to be at mine....its alright....i cannot stand seeing u sad...or not smiling...i hope he will treat u well...even though some people told mi he is a playboi (including urself, i remembered, in hush office), i believe, if its fate, he will not do it against you.....jiayou....i wish you happiness...realli.....
there was a mistake...for long i have not been reading ur blog...i read over these past few days again and again....so many things i have not resolve it in you...so many things....you have repeated last year and it happens again....also after your birthday....ahahaha...realli....we quarrelled over the same thing after your birthday twice...last year and this year...wow....but there are other positive things...so many things that build our r/s up....build this memorable event with you up....i cannot let go.....it seems like yesterday....1 year 5months...its not easy to be this long for a r/s...so many things been gone through together....so many happy and sad events...oh just like the birthday card i have bought for her...i find it meaningful...fighting my tears back as im typing now....i have decided to continue doing my project....be a man bahz! cannot everytime cry de lahz...ahahaha....even though there are zero morale now...but still have to do and submit! arghz...good nite everyone...take care and i love you before, now and forever.....
snoozed at 6:20 PM .
